The Bonds of Motherhood

It seems that I am drawn to a sense of community.  I spent my graduate studies continually returning to the importance of community in schools and classrooms.  On a weekly basis at least I return to or have a visit from a member of my close-knit family.  And I never underestimate the power of my community of parents.

Today I went for tea with a girlfriend I met just over five years ago in a prenatal class. We were in labour at the same time in the same hospital. She is one of the eight of us I refer to as my Mama's Group. Two of the gals weren't in our original prenatal class and some others were but we haven't seen them in years. Regardless, this group of women have become my heroes. They have gone from strangers to the people I desperately text when I need a sanity break or a night out. We have laughed together, cried on each other's shoulders, worked out together and had too many drinks together. Yes, we all have other social circles but we are there for each other when it counts. We have always valued the relationships we have built as a group, but I have come once again to realize how blessed I am to have them in my life since the birth of my second child. As I was the last one of us to have a second child, they already knew how important it was to have a meal train set up and were the first to sign up to bring us dinner after we got home from the hospital. When they visit with a gift for my newborn they also bring one for my five year old or take him out for a play date so he can have some attention and we can rest. They pass on lessons they had learned from having multiple children. They meet me for tea when I need to talk to someone who knows what I am going through.

They started as my Mom's Group but are now women whom I admire, trust and love like sisters. Ladies, you are amazing and I am so lucky to call you my friends.

Saying yes to this moment

I am joining Liz Lamoreux in her 10 day blog adventure to saying yes to this moment. Life is full right now, learning to adapt to another huge change with the addition of another sweet little boy and the start of kindergarten for the big one. It is easy to get lost in the chaos of it all. So for at least the next ten days I am going to try to enjoy every moment, even the challenging ones. 


Yesterday, on day 1, we were encouraged to just breathe. Today the moment to remember is in the photo. Another rainy fall day and I was on my way home from our daily journey to take Kai to school with Nico in the stroller. I have just recently begun making a thermos of hot chocolate to drink when we get to Kai's school, as it is a good length walk in the cold and rain and Kai needs something to keep him going. This morning we had run out of milk so we decided to leave a bit earlier and get one from a nearby cafe. As kids do, Kai was dawdling and enjoying sipping his special drink. At his pace we would be late for school. Amidst the continual reminders for kai to "Hurry up or we'd be late," I reminded myself to say yes to the moment and enjoy Kai's contentment. Aaahhh... much more peaceful now.

 After dropping him off (on time, funny enough) I began my walk home. Within five minutes Nico was crying. Any other day I would have felt some anxiety to soothe him, and stopped to put him in the carrier where I know he is happier. However, in the pouring rain this was not an option. Realizing there was no way out of this situation, I calmly reassured us both that everything would be fine and paused to silently embrace the moment. I had on my new rain boots, Nico was cozy in our stroller, the rain was soothing and refreshing, and the grass beside me was a vivid green. I was calm in what would have been an emotional storm with my first born. It felt amazing.

Hush, little baby...

The first 12 days were dreamy - eat, have awake time, fall asleep peacefully on me until I easily put you down in your bassinette to sleep for a few hours.  Repeat.  Then you turned 13 days old... For some reason, now you need a body to sleep on.  Swaddle or no swaddle? Wait 15 minutes before I put you down or 30? I know, preferably not at all! Just like your big brother, you know what you want. But this time around I will go with the flow...

A New Chapter

Kai turned 5 and has started Kindergarten.  Nico is 12 days old.  Thanks to my amazing husband, I am actually awake enough to write.  To say it has been an interesting few weeks is an understatement.  I remember so much about having a newborn baby, yet at the same time I seem to remember so little.  So much is the same as with Kai, yet so much is amazingly different.  It makes me wonder how much my two wonderful boys will share in terms of appearance and personality.

Thus far, despite their almost identical appearance and appetite, Nico is as chill as Kai is excitable - both in the womb and out.  However, I don't mean to go on about comparisons as much as reflect upon the change this will bring to our lives.  Already I have noticed how much more accepting I am about the time and attention demands of a newborn that so easily frustrated me the first time around.  The 45-minute rocking that leads to a half hour nap, with a wake-up in the middle.  The continual cycle of feed, rock, short sleep, soothe.  I suppose I have gotten used to the constant needs of a little boy with Kai and have become much more relaxed myself in all areas of my life.  I am also becoming more willing to let go of the way things 'should be.'  Not completely, as I am a personal of routine and schedule by nature and like things organized and predictable, but I am learning.  Whereas with my firstborn, his constant needs frustrated me and made me feel trapped, I am learning that for this year, the only job I have is to be a mom.  To enjoy hanging out with my boys, whether that may be continuous hours of holding Nico while he sleeps or taking some time out to have cuddles or playtime with Kai.  It is rare to get such focused time and although I am used to multitasking and having time for myself on a nightly basis in some form or another, with Kai about to start full days at Kindergarten I will have time to enjoy the warmth of a sleeping baby on me without rushing to get things done.  I am trying to remember that everything else will wait until my wee one learns how to sleep alone and play independently for short periods of time.  With Kai, I wanted to rush to have some sense of control again, but perhaps this time I can surrender to the roller coaster ride of parenting a newborn.

Another huge area of awareness for me is how much community support makes a difference.  I have always valued my family and friends, but with the addition of a baby to an already incredibly active 5 year old who is used to being the center of our lives, I treasure every meal that gets dropped off at our house and every offer of a play date.  In fact, I wish I had had a second child before my friends were all having theirs, as I definitely did not understand the simple ways that I could have made their days smoother.  To all my incredibly thoughtful friends and family, thank you so much for all you do.  I love you all so much.

While being grateful for those living outside my house, I would be enormously amiss if I did not pause to appreciate my incredible husband.  Throughout my pregnancy he allowed me to take care of myself in so many ways.  I went to multiple yoga classes every week, had time to go for dinner and dates with my friends, I traveled and every weekend, he took Kai on a lengthy adventure to give me and my growing baby time to rest.  I feel so much stronger physically, mentally and emotionally after birthing Nico in large part due to Marc's willingness to let me do what I needed to do.  In the past few weeks he has also taken on nighttime feedings and supported me in my decision to bottle-feed, in order to preserve my physical and mental health.  As anyone reading this probably knows, I struggled with both unbearable pain breastfeeding and with postpartum depression after my first child. Although few people seem to really understand my decision to use formula with Nico (and for some reason, people seem quite comfortable making a judgement), Marc has supported me 100% as he understands my decision was made with my family in mind.  I could never express how much this has meant to me.

This is a time of change for Kai as well.  Ending daycare, starting Kindergarten, house renovations and a new baby brother all in the span of a few weeks.  All things considered, he is handling it fantastically well.  Yes, he feels a little house bound and is having to adjust to entertainment from the couch while we feed Nico.  Yes, he is not listening as well and his behaviour has become increasingly rude and defiant.  The number of times he has muttered 'stupid' to himself and ignored what we have told him to do can no longer be counted on both hands.  However, he has been an excellent kid for so many years, allowing us to almost completely skip the terrible twos, threes and fours and dramatic tantrums that I often hear about from my friends.  He has always been happy, enthusiastic, easygoing and easy to distract.  As much as we are frustrated by him right now, he is just as frustrated with us.  Perhaps it is my experience as a teacher or a the new found sense of calm that yoga has brought to my life, but I have faith that with some time, a lot of love and the continuation of clear values and boundaries, we can all work through this transition together.

Nico: The Story of Your Birth

What a precious little bundle you are.  It was not an easy entry into the world for you, but we are so glad you have joined us.

It was a relatively easy pregnancy with you.  You were a very chill baby who preferred to roll rather than kick for most of the 9 months.  Unlike your brother, you did not wake up just as I laid down to sleep, but seemed relaxed.  Although I did not sleep much at night, it rarely seemed to make me tired during the day and I still had enough energy to keep up with your big brother, do yoga multiple times a week and visit with friends and family.  I am thankful for this as it seems that this energy has stayed since your arrival.

Your ability to be laid back in utero perhaps is what prompted you to hang out inside me for a good week past your due date.  You surprised everyone by this, as second children are often born earlier than the first.  So, a week after your were due to join us, I met my midwife Annie at the hospital to do some tests to ensure you were still thriving.  After being hooked up to the fetal heartrate monitor for almost the necessary 20 minutes, your heart rate plummeted down to the 70s, which put everyone on alert.  I had to stay on the monitor for another few hours just to make sure you were okay - which you appeared to be.  However, because of this drop and the fact that I would be induced in three days anyway, it was suggested that I remain in the hospital and do an oxytocin challenge test.  This basically gives me contractions and checks that you will be able to endure labour.  You pulled through the test with flying colours, but we decided to be induced so I was given prostoglandin and send home 11 hours after arrival. 

That night I slept a luxurious six hours before waking up and feeling some minor contractions begin.  I finally texted my midwife around 11 a.m., saying my contractions were close together and she agreed to meet me at the hospital to check if I was dilating yet.  By 11:10 your Grandma and Grandpa had arrived to take care of Kai and your dad and I rushed to the hospital.  By the time we arrived I was 7 cm dilated and in full labour.  As the labour was progressing so quickly I was not able to get any painkillers beyond nitrous oxide.  Although you only took two hours to join us from this point, it was a tough two hours for both of us.  We were both willing and working hard, but you had the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck twice which kept making your heart rate plummet but it was slow to return to normal.  When my water finally broke they had to bring in a OB-GYN and when I looked up at one point the room was filled was all kinds of medical staff.  It seemed like there were over a dozen people there, so I knew it was serious.  After the doctor attempted a vacuum delivery and then having to use forceps, you finally joined us, happy and healthy.  It took a few hours for the doctors to make sure that both of us were alright and for my arms to stop shaking from adrenalin so I could hold you.  Luckily, your dad, grandma and grandpa all got to spend that time cuddling with you and getting to know you.  I am so glad you were, and always will be, surrounded by family.

After a restful, quiet night in the hospital, the next day we finally got to bring you home.  What a loving, sweet bundle you were.  Welcome to our family, little Nico.

Today:: July 25, 2013

Outside my window... is a freshly cut lawn, a bucket of water with assorted squirt guns ready to go, and a beautiful sunny day.

I am thinking... that it would be nice to sit outside and write this, but the battery on my laptop doesn't work properly.

From the kitchen...oh, our beautiful kitchen.  Newly renovated, with a long open counter top, and a pristine cook top and built-in oven.  From the kitchen comes peace and possibility.

I am wearing... a comfortable khaki skirt and a bright maternity shirt that sits snug across my bursting belly.

I am creating... time to write and reflect in the few moments when my head seems to be clear and my space quiet.

I am also creating...decorations and paraphernalia for Kai's birthday - glow-in-the-dark slime, ooze, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pinata, treat bags...

I am going... to get a long overdue pedicure today.  Aaahhhh...

I am reading...very little right now.  I just got a set of Lisa See books that I would like to start and am listening to an audiobook, but mostly I'm just getting things done and resting in turn.

I am hoping...that I get a few more weeks to enjoy the peace and ease of a beautiful summer before our sweet new little one comes along.

I am hearing... very little.  A great sign.

Around the house...Kai's party preparations on the go, the kitchen awaiting a few paint touch-ups and a pendant lamp before the renos are officially complete, more organization than I have felt in a long time.

One of my favourite...moments is carving out some time to write.  I wish I was in the mental space to do it more regularly.  Often my pregnancy brain is fuzzy, as I expect again my new mommy brain will be soon enough.  Just a moment here or there to think about and appreciate the little things and people surrounding me.

A few plans for the rest of the week... a positional ultrasound to tell where this little one is laying, baking cupcakes, a backyard party.  How I love summer!

Vegucated

Last night I watched an hour long documentary on Veganism.  The producer challenged three New York City residents to take on becoming vegans for six weeks.  As I watched it, I began to remember why I make some of the choices I do and I was challenged to further consider adopting even better eating habits. 

This was not the first such documentary I have watched.  I have seen Forks Over Knives, Food, Inc. and many similarly-themed videos and TED talks.  We have long tried to purchase ethical food, organic fruit and vegetables and non-medicated, free range meat.  We rarely eat red meat, and since Kai's birth, we definitely have taken strides to eat more balanced, vegetable-inclusive meals.  Do I occasionally still get tempted by the great bargain meat at Costco? Absolutely.  Do I still enjoy dairy in all its forms?  Yes.  However, Vegucated has made me reevaluate these choices.  Do we need dairy in our diets?  I still need to see the research.  Are copious amounts of soy-based products to replace meat and dairy healthy?  Again, need to check into this.  I want to make conscious choices and I appreciated the brain-rattling that documentaries give me.

Many things these days seem out of our control.  From the installation of new Smart meters to the 'cleanliness' of the air we breathe, our environment is affected by each and every one of our decisions.  We do many little actions on a daily basis that help or harm our surroundings.  In becoming more aware of my actions, I will continue to strive to understand the effect of our food on our bodies, animals, and the environment step by step and continue to slowly make positive changes to my habits.  Do I always make the perfect choice? Absolutely not, but I do my best with the knowledge and tools I have.