To Parents of My Students

Dear Parents,

As the start of school looms and the conflict between teachers and government seems no closer to being resolved, I want to make sure you know a few things.  First and most importantly, I need you to know that there is almost nothing I wouldn't do for your child.  Perhaps right now some of you are finding it challenging to believe  me, and I understand that you only want what is best for your child.  As an educator and a parent, I too want what is best.  This is leading me to return from my maternity leave and to go directly to the picket line.  It leads me to find care for my own children while I go to stand up for all of our children.  It urges me to give up my own salary to fight for a good future.

I know that this job action has happened before, and many think us selfish and greedy.  I need you to know that yes, I think it is important that educators have good wages and working conditions.  (I also know that this just hit a nerve with many of you reading this, and your blood is beginning to boil.)  However, salary is not the contentious issue in negotiating.  In fact, this is one issue on which both sides seem to be fairly close to agreeing.  It is your child I am fighting for now.  Apart from my family, it is your child I know best and care most about.  It is your child I am with often more waking hours than I am with my own.  I chose this path and I will keep choosing it, for it is who I am.

My path as an educator is a complex one, much like parenting.  Like parenting, there is inexplicable joy and heavy heartache.  There is a time for fun and a time to get down to business.  However, it is also simple: I care for my students fiercely and let them know I believe in them and am there for them every single day, just as I do for my own children.  That is why I stand on this picket line.  I believe that all our children deserve more than this government is allowing our education system to give. 

Perhaps this will be yet another round of job action that beats us down, empties our bank accounts and angers the public.  In the face of this possibility, I need to choose strength and hope.  I need to know that I took action to make a change to a system that is eroding.  There is an old adage Never mix business with pleasure.  Teaching IS who I am.  It IS personal.  When the government attacks my students, it attacks me.  So when I stand on the picket line, I am fighting with my heart, not my purse strings. 

On Being a Mama

I never want to stop being called Mama.  I don't want Mom, as that means my boys are growing up and don't need me as much anymore.  Motherhood is so complex and complicated in many ways, but yet so simple.  And on this day dedicated to mothers, I return to reflection on what being a mother has been for me.

Becoming a mother was not as easy journey, and now, knowing what I know, I understand that it may never be.  For being a Mama takes your whole heart and I never knew it could be so full of joy, love and happiness or so full of fear, frustration and doubt.  I remember having a conversation with my husband about hearing our little Nico cry.  He couldn't understand why I just couldn't leave him, and I tried explaining how when our little ones are sad or in pain, it actually hurts my heart.  It is not a choice or an overdramatic 'I must save my babies in this traumatic time', it's an uncontrolled physical reaction.  My husband jokes that even as adults, my siblings and I are still attached to my parents by the umbilical cord.  So often, that is what it feels like with my boys, like we have an invisible bond.  I can understand what they need so much of the time without them having to say the words, or the right words in the case of Kai when he is upset.

Don't misunderstand me.  I know it is very important for me to have an identity and adventures outside of my children.  For me it is necessary and healthy, and I am lucky to have a husband who understands and supports this as well.  I know that I am a better mother (and wife and friend, and overall human being) when I am taking care of myself.  When I am filled up with calm and peace and joy, and feel beautiful and loved, I have so much more to give to those around me.  And I love giving. Keeping a balance between self and home and work is a constant challenge for mothers, and I am no exception.  I deeply wish that I had enough time and energy to be working full time (as I love my job) and at home full time.  But I digress...that is another story altogether.

What is Mamahood for me?

It is being able to understand my boys without words.
It is getting to be the one who 'teaches good and gentle stuff' as Kai says, and also being so lucky to receive the hugs and kisses and cuddles they so love.
It is taking another deep breath and remembering that I am their role model and guide on this very tricky journey called growing up.
It is going on adventures or making the mundane into our own version of n aadventure.
It is repeating myself multiple times in a row, endless times a day.
It is being a safe space for my boys to be themselves and to melt down and to share their unbridled joy.
Oh, the sheer joy of being a child...I am so glad I am privy to experiencing it again, and again.

Mamahood is reflecting on why my values, beliefs and assumptions are important, and if they aren't, to be able to give them up.
It is pushing my boys when I know they are capable of being more than their worries and fears, and holding a hand when they aren't ready to be alone.
It is wanting to spend every second with them, and then needing time and space right now to be alone and untouched.

Mamahood is so complicated and so simple.  It is me being me and guiding them to be them.

So on this day of celebration, when we get asked what we want to do and we have no idea because there is rarely a moment we think of ourselves...just take a deep breath, and know no matter what we do, it is who we are that counts.  And if I am appreciated even close to how much I appreciate my own mother, I am indeed in the midst of constant celebration.

In the words on my 5-year old:

I love you, Mama.  Everybody loves moms.  They are the best in the whole family.

Around here..

Around here we are in constant activity.  Not a day goes by when, after playing on the playground after school for an hour, we get home and Kai wants a play date.  Not a second goes by when we don't have something to do.

Around here Nico is constantly smiling and happy, no matter what is happening (like the three teeth he is currently getting) or where we are.  He just loves to be alive and taking in the world and people around him.

Around here Kai and Nico are so in awe of each other.  It is amazing to witness.

Around here my body is tired more days than not, as my Sun Run training draws to a finale and I attempt to return to my old rhythms of fitness.

Around here we are in the midst of spring confusion...rain, sun, winter coat, tshirt.  Oh Vancouver, how we love you and are able to wear the same wardrobe (in layers) year-round.

Ode to My Thighs

Thighs, oh powerful thighs
You give me strength,
are an opening for tenderness
and lead the way in my celebration of all things,
     great and small

You helped me bring my two boys into the world
and give them a place to curl up tight or lay their heads when they need love,
and a lap on which to play

Thighs, oh powerful thighs,
You hold my body through a workout
and let out a soft sigh afterwards when we slide into the bath

You draw eyes toward you and love when I show you off

Thighs, oh wonderful thighs
I bow down to your grace,
                                your strength,
                                        your beauty.

Ode to My Wrists

Dear Wrists,

You are the innocence within a body whose parts have faced harsh judgments.
Your slender elegance a reminder of the pose I cannot always find.
A quiet strength in the midst of a cacophony of movement.

My Tummy, My Teacher

My dearest tummy,

I know I have written odes to my thighs and wrists and perhaps you were waiting for me to wax poetic for you as well.  We do love the romance, don't we.  However, upon reflection, I have come to realize that instead, I owe you a world of gratitude.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that I have been hard on you.  Judgmental and impatient even.  I have wished you away, longing instead for a younger, sleeker model.  Yes, it was shallow of me, I know.  Especially in light of what you are teaching me.

You have played many roles throughout my life and I am thankful for them all.

You have been svelte and defined, allowing me to flaunt you and celebrate you with form-fitting clothing, fun jewelry and a general sense of sass and flirtation. 

You have been strong and lean, enabling me to compete and perform at my physical peak.

You have been a pillow upon which rests the head of my loved ones.

You have twice been the home within which the most precious gifts of life, my sons, have grown and thrived.  For this role, words of gratitude will never be enough.

So many roles, yet you still continue to give and to teach,

You are teaching me the importance of knowing when it is time to be soft or the time to be hard.  Both are important.  I just need to listen and trust myself.

You are teaching me that flexibility and the willingness to stretch myself further than I thought possible can bring beautiful results.

You are challenging me to accept myself every day and find beauty in exactly where I am in every moment.

You are reminding me to focus on what is important in life.

You are giving me perspective.

My one and only tummy, thank you for what you have given me and continue to give.

Sincerely,
Me.

Me Today: March 2013

1.  Loving having Marc on holiday with me.  It has been twice this year, Christmas and now, and it is so luxurious and restful!

2.  Enjoying our clean Spring Break house, as we have time to maintain it all.  Looking for ways to continue this while working.

3.  Trying out a new, more standard monthly meal plan using 16 dishes we like that I know how to make, plus Marc's own creations for Thursday nights.  All recipes are typed up with ingredients, directions and weekly shopping lists...excited to see if it works.

4.  20 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty good. Except for one fairly regular 4-5 a.m. hunger wake-up I'm sleeping well and have pretty good energy.  We have the ultrasound Tuesday - hope to find out the sex of the baby.

5.  Finally did some Project Life scrapbooking from as far back as September.  Mostly just placing and commenting on printed photos, but it felt good.

6.  Looking at summer off and making plans for Kai and I.  Hoping I have energy to entertain him.

7.  Looking at getting back to yoga with Damiani.  Almost 3 weeks off...my body is getting restless, but it was nice having a break in routine.

8.  Mark working from home...it's nice to have dinner together.

9.  Thinking about how to get a dishwasher...