From Two to Three

My two little sisters are about to become Mom, and is has me thinking about the changes motherhood brought to my life.  I remember being in the delivery room and my midwife was passing to me my new little bundle.  My first thought was 'Oh my goodness, we have a baby.'  Then three days later when we brought Kai home, I thought 'What do we do now?'  Although I have always wanted children, I had never really thought about how much  my life would change.

Yes, there were so many things to learn about being a mother to my new son, but I have learned so much about myself as well.  I have learned about balance, about letting go, about my life priorities, about patience, about slowing down to simply enjoy the moments.  Am I an expert at any of these things? No, but I am present to them in a whole new way.  I had no choice but to be present to them. Although this accelerated learning was at times exasperating and exhausting, and so many tears were shed that I could have provided the world's supply of water had there been no salt in them, alongside these moments I have grown into a stronger, more centred woman.

So, when asked for advice for a new mom-to-be, I started thinking about the important things...

Do what you need to do - We want to be good parents, so we try to do our best by our children, but the best is open to interpretation.  So many people, some given 'expert' status, have strong opinions about the right way to do things.  However, in the end, only we know what is best for us, our children, and our families.  This was a hard lesson for me to learn, and at times, I'm still learning it.  Our friends and families are always there to give us ideas and opinions, but we are the ones home all day and up all night with our wee ones, and it takes a tremendous amount of belief in ourselves to simply say 'This is what works for us right now', even if we are not sure.  For we are never really sure.  Life is a series of trials and errors, adventures and successes, and we only ever know if they are the right choice after we have thought about them and given them a try.  So do what you need to do until something works better.  And no matter what you do, you are doing the best you can.

Sleep - get in anywhere, anytime and as much as possible.  Your body, mind and emotions have never been through so much change in such a short period.  You need to take care of yourself in order that you are able to take care of your little one.  It was not easy for me to sleep much during the day when my child slept as I felt there was too much to do, but looking back I wish I had rested more.  Food you can always order in or make pasta (or ask close family and friends to bring you meals, it gives them a way to help out that they are looking for), and the house will make it through another day without a vacuum.  You have the rest of your life to 'do'.  For these precious times, just 'be.'

Take time for yourself - One of the biggest transitions for me as a mother, beyond the total reliance of another human being on me (which is the topic for a whole other write), was the number of roles that seemed to come with maternity leave.  By giving birth to a child and staying home, suddenly you are thrust into cook, housecleaner, personal shopper, and errand runner.  You make most of the daily decisions about raising your child, as you are home alone with him or her the majority of the time.  This is a lot of responsibility.  Not that you have to do it alone.  If you have a great partner, all these roles will be discussed and everyone will play their part.  Perhaps there is a hormonal shift that arrives with Motherhood that makes you want to return to everything homemade and natural.  All of a sudden, I wanted to make my own  organic, balanced meals, learn to can, grow my own food, sew, knit, bake and become an all-round superstar.  Who has time or energy for this in between feedings, diaper changes, and the craving for more sleep? So here's my advice - start with 15 minutes a day - have a tea, take a bath, lay quietly in your bedroom while your big sister holds your baby.  These small moments help you gain perspective.  Help you revive yourself. 

There are so many more lessons I learned, but everyone learns their own in their own time.  So trust yourself, take care of yourself and enjoy the moments.  And in the tough moments, remember, this too will pass.  You have a big family who is here to help you in every way we can.  We love you!

40 Day Yoga Challenge

40 days.  A yoga class on each one of them.  Why? Partially because I always like a challenge, but mostly because it is good for me.  As a good friend said when I was sharing that I was constantly trying to find balance in my life, 'If balance was easy, we would all have it.'  My mind, like many, is constantly taking me in different directions.  My goal is to focus on one thing at a time - at work, and at school.  I know this is not easy, especially when I love doing so many things.  I am a Libra, but rather than the complete balance the symbol seems to signify, I seem to do all or  nothing, which I have told myself is one form of balance.  I am excessively busy at some times, then all I want to do it curl up in my blanket and sleep, read or watch a movie. 

On most days, in most moments, it is challenging to remember to do all the tasks I am continually asking myself to do.  Yes, some of them are necessary, but some of them I just want to do because they make me a good person and I want to do nice things for others.  For example, yesterday was the last day of work for one of my son's daycare teachers.  All week the thought kept popping up in my mind to get him a nice gift as a token of my appreciation for helping Kai to become a happier, more resilient child.   As I drove into the parking lot of daycare yesterday, it dawned on me that not only was it his teacher's last day, he was probably gone, but it didn't matter because I forgot to get a gift.  Luckily, I know the centre to where he moved, and we will visit one day next week, but the point is that my mind and my life are too busy and it is time to quiet them down.  I am hoping daily yoga practice will not only strengthen my body, but more importantly, quiet my mind and focus my thoughts.

Amidst the regular rush of teaching, parenting, maintaining a house, and trying to find some time for myself, my husband, my family and friends, I have just begun another journey.  For the second time in 5 years, my husband and I are undergoing fertility treatment in order to have a child.  For a reason unknown to us and our doctors, we have been unable to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy.  So in the next few months, it is critical that I am stress-free, or as close as I can be to this.  Again, I return to the importance of quieting my mind.  While practicing yoga, I have no choice but to only focus on the position at hand.  It is fantastic.  So, here we go...40 days of having a quiet mind for the better part of 75 minutes a day and building upon it.  It will require commitment and support from friends and my husband, and I can't wait to see where this journey takes me.