What are Men Craving?

An hour ago, a friend of mine sent me a video of John Wineland speaking on the topic, 'What are men craving?'  It connected to something we had been talking about a few weeks earlier and her timing was perfect.  Often when an important idea shows up in your life, it finds a way of continually presenting itself until you are ready to really listen and be present to it.

Desire has been a strong theme in my life.  I have always had big dreams, aspirations and have been on the journey to have them fulfilled.  Life is short and I want to do it all.  I am pretty sure that this desire for more is with me for the long haul.  It has served me well.  The past few years in particular I have been working closely with Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map and it calls to me so clearly.  However, that is a story for another place and another time.  What I am musing about today is not my own desires, but rather being open to listen for and to the desires of others.  Namely, my family.  My husband and older son in particular, as our two-year old is very capable of very clearly asserting himself to get what he wants.

A few months ago I came across this article on my Facebook feed about starting a communication journal with children.  As luck has it our 7 1/2 year old Kai is quite in touch with his emotions and loves to cuddle and hug still.  Although he is beginning to outgrow it now and spend more time with his neighbourhood friends, he has always been a little bit of a Mama's boy and I love it.  We picked out and decorated a journal and use a special pen to write letters back and forth to each other.  When we have written a letter, we leave it by each other's bedside to read.  Some letters are short, some are longer.  Some are filled with important thoughts and ideas while others are simply two or three words.  The important piece for me is that no matter what, if Kai doesn't feel like he can talk to us, he always has a place to share his thoughts and questions.  Over Spring Break, we did some planning together through the journal.  I listened to what he would like to do and tried to give him some say in how our days would play out.  He loved that and it made me feel good, like I was making sure to honour the heart of my little boy.  I want to make sure this is something we keep up over the years, discussing our desires and feelings in the midst of all the other details of life that often seem to take precedence.  Of course we have also had to have discussions about valuing the desires and time demands on the rest of the family and making sure we have balance.  Kai is learning that although he would like to have swimming or baseball or soccer or playdates every day of the week that we are a family and everybody has to have time for their own activities also.  It is a hard lesson to learn, even for me.  Perhaps it is one that we will have to learn together.

I have the potential to have a non-stop social life.  With many different groups of friends and a love of trying new things, there is always something going on that I want to take part in.  Some months I am very good at balancing all the parts of my life and others, not so much.  As Walt Disney has said, "We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious, and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."  This is exactly the rabbit hole I could go down and while it seems fun (and I'm sure it would be exhilarating), I am on the adventure in life with my husband and two wonderful children and the adventures should also be ours together.

So I return full circle to being in a place where I am beginning to remember to ask and to listen.  I need to listen very carefully because my voice is often louder than and more persistent than the voices of my family.  It has been with me for the longest so it often takes time and insistence to quiet. Don't get me wrong, my voice is still going to be heard, but I want to make sure I hear those of my loved ones as well.

42

The night before my 42nd birthday I couldn't sleep.  Not because I was worried about getting a year older but rather because I had spent time earlier in the evening writing a desires list for the next day and couldn't wait for it to begin.  That got me thinking about why I wasn't creating every day in such a fashion.  Why am I not living my life in a way that causes such excitement?

I awoke the next day to a quiet house and two pots of flowers with a handmade happy birthday sign.  Breakfast was delivered to me alongside a chai tea from a friend and colleague.  Students made me a birthday hat to wear and I received hugs all day long.  I painted with my little guy and was completely present in the moment.  My older son began creating with clay and the evening rounded out with snuggles on the couch and Moana.  We ate juicy burgers and delicious fries and it was perfect.  I felt connected.  Life was simple and full of love.

Perhaps my 43rd year will continue on with such love and presence and be filled with simple joys.  I feel so much gratitude for the people in my life and the opportunity for so many beautiful moments.  It is time to be thankful and continue to live each day to the fullest.

What is perfect?

• waking up before 6:30 a.m. feeling fully rested and excited to begin my day
• listening to a 15 minute guided meditation by candlelight without feeling rushed
• writing my morning pages with a cup of peppermint tea
• leaving for work with a healthy lunch packed and a clear, doable list for my morning before work starts
• connecting with my team before the day begins
• going to the staffroom for recess and lunch
• getting into the woods every day
• yoga
• leaving work by 3:30 without so I have plenty of play time with my children
• time spent painting, writing and connecting with friends and family
• going for walks in the crisp fall air
• reading books
• time to connect and enjoy life with my husband