The Adventure of Life

It has been a long time since I have sat down and the computer to just write.  I write for school, in my journal, grocery lists, to do lists, emails and texts, but nothing is like writing to reflect on the moment.  I just finished watching season one of Departures, a Netflix series about two 27 year old men who leave everything for a year and travel the world.  I have done my fair share of traveling and am blessed to have had so many amazing moments in my life.  However, watching others explore the world has sparked another fire in me to live my life to the fullest, both appreciating everything I have and also continually opening myself to experience the new.

In October I turn 40.  For some reason 40 sounds old to me.  When my parents were 40 I had already graduated from high school and was living on my own.  My husband and many of my friends have passed this milestone year, but it never hit me what an affect it would have on me to leave my thirties.  Does it really mean anything?  Yes, it is just a number.  I am not sure why it is a big deal but I feel like I did right after I had my first child, sort of in shock.  It was literally unbelievable that I had a baby.  I knew my whole life had changed in that moment.  Will my whole life change at 40?  Absolutely not, unless I want it to.  Somehow I envision my life coming closer to it's end and I have an urge to embrace and live every single moment because I am realizing it won't last forever.  A mid-life crisis?  I don't think so.  More like I am growing up and coming to understand that I choose who I am and what my life looks like and feels like; questioning every decision - Is this really important?  Is this really want in my life?  If not, then why am I choosing it?  If the answer is yes, why am I not choosing it? Perhaps closing in on 40 is what created this desire or perhaps it is coincidental.  All I know is that from this point out I want to consciously choose my life.

What does choosing one's life look like?  Today it meant getting outside with my 18 month old and simply exploring.  No plans, no destination, just simply seeing where our neighbourhood walk took us.  The few hours we were out reminded me how incredible my little boy is.  Always a smile on his face. Playing games, running everywhere he goes, constantly making others happy with his playfulness and easygoing nature.  We walked, we stopped on what seemed like every bench, fence, step and corner to have a sit and watch cars...and it was amazing.  How I love my sweet Nico.

What does choosing my life mean from this point on?  It means getting clear on what lights me up from the inside and going that direction every single time.  It means finding that light and joy and bringing it to the necessary day to day actions.  It may mean some hard decisions and awkward or scary conversations, for breaking out of the safety of routine is not always easy.  I do not know fully what it means, but I do know that it excites me.  I know that every day I want my family and my good friends by my side enjoying this wonderful opportunity called life together.  What lights you up?  I would love to know!