A Day with a Personal Shopper

Recently I spent an afternoon with my friend Kelly as my personal shopper and style consultant.  The first time we met she had worked with two of my friends and neighbours and came highly recommended.  I had just had my second child and although I loved being pregnant and a mom, the changes my body had gone through were tough on my body image.  I gained many pounds with both  my pregnancies, but for some reason, was unable to get rid of the weight very quickly with my second.  I decided to embrace it and feel good about who I was becoming as a mother of two, and for me, this meant enjoying how I looked every day.  The next step was to buy some new clothes.  I no longer fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes but very little in my closet fit me or felt good.  Time to call Kelly.

At our first meeting Kelly took my measurements, talked to me about what styles I enjoyed, looked through my current wardrobe and made some suggestions as to what would both look good on me and what I should look for when I shop.  These guidelines were lifesavers and became incorporated long after our day of shopping together.

Fast forward five years.  I now had a sense of my personal style but my wardrobe needed an update.  Striving to become increasingly minimalist and environmental, I wanted to purchase some key items for my closet but with a focus on sustainability.  Kelly suggested a day shopping consignment stores on Main Street.  Perfect!  As I have never been a natural shopper and quite honestly saw it as a necessity rather than an adventure, Kelly was determined to change my perspective.

After our initial meeting to look through my closet again and create a desires/essentials list, the fun began.

Step One:  Research

As I have enough pieces of clothing as a whole, this was all about patience and clarity.  I had a list of items to search for and no real rush to find them.  In a world of instant gratification, this was a surprisingly satisfying piece of homework with future benefits.

• Kelly gave me a list of Instagram accounts and Facebook pages to follow for second hand items
• look for second hand Fluevogs (my shoe of choice), both online and in chosen consignment stores
• go to Anthropologie to try on and size some skirts to set myself up for second hand hunting

When I found possible items online, Kelly would walk me through the process of deciding if it was sound for purchase.

Step Two: Main Street

Our goals was to get to know and support local stores, particularly consignment, while seeing if we could find some good deals.  Here are a few of the stores we hit:  front and company, Fab Finds, The Main Exchange, Turnabout, and Shameless Resale.  

Highlights of the day:

• building my confidence to find pieces that would work with my current wardrobe and paying bargain prices for them; having a trusted second opinion is always great
• my options really opened up as we discussed the possibilities of layers.  Because Kelly knows my closet really well, she could share a variety of possible combinations and outfits
• Kelly told me what each item could be paired with or how it could be worn
• a lot of time was saved as we were both looking at the racks and she pulled options I wouldn't have considered

A note to stores:

• customer service at stores makes a huge difference; chatting with your clientele, taking the clothing to the change room for them...atmosphere and care for your clients makes me want to go back to some stores and not others

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day I had purchased some of my original list, a few extras that fit the criteria we had set out, and a few pieces I am still searching for.  However, I walked away with so much more knowledge and feeling good about being able to make ethical, sustainable choices with a more focused, patient and playful approach.  Thanks for a great day, Kelly!  If you haven't ever experienced a personal shopper and this is something that intrigues you, check out Kelly's website at kellyhenry.ca.

Dear Teacher, Please Take Care of Our Son

Dear Teacher,

You are in the position of spending half of every day or more with my son.  Your relationship with him is important - from how he views school and learning to how he feels about himself and others, and everything in between.  We want for you to know him as we know him, special in so many ways.

Like all of us, Kai has strengths and challenges.  As the adults guiding him through this life, I believe that it is our honour to show him the way not only with our heads, but more importantly, with our hearts.  Kai has a huge heart, so he will understand you if you speak and act from yours.  It is not easy as one adult in a room filled with up to 30 little ones, all needing your support and guidance, but because of that, your words are so much more full of meaning.  Each word, each moment, each decision can have such a huge impact.  We need to choose carefully.

There is so much to know about Kai.  We need you to know how precious he is to us, and how important family is to him.  Along with his brother, mom and dad, he is regularly surrounded by grandparents, aunties and uncles, and cousins.  We are a family of educators, so learning and exploring are a part of Kai's life.  He is curious about the world and is always up for an adventure.

That said, school has not always been easy for Kai.  He loves to socialize and is a sweet and endearing child who easily gets along with everyone.  Although this is one of his greatest strengths and will bring him success in so many ways, it is not always seen as such in a traditional classroom.  It can often get in the way of his ability to hear and follow instructions, and can distract him from his work.  Kai's intentions are good, as he has always been a pleaser.  He wants to do the right thing, but needs caring and consistent adult support to understand what that is and to follow through on expectations.  He needs clear, step-by-step instructions written out for him and work broken down to make it seem do-able or he becomes easily overwhelmed.

Kai is full of life, so full of life that it often overflows in an abundance of energy and emotions.  He loves to have fun, to laugh and to make others laugh.  There is not a day that we aren't in stitches because of some antics he has gotten up to.  He loves to work with his hands and create.  He loves to move and to express himself, often not even needing an audience but rather a place to process his thoughts.  He also has a hard time managing this energy and emotion, particularly when his hopes and expectations do not align with those of others and he is caught unprepared. 

Kai  has really grown in the past year, particularly outside of school in his level of confidence, and we are so proud of the risks he is beginning to take, especially as we believe that this is oh-so-essential to learning and growing.  His confidence surrounding his ability to succeed academically, however, has taken a huge hit this year.  So much so that he has begun asking for days at home, both for a break from the constant demands that he can't manage alone and to catch up on the work he is unable to complete both at school and at home in the evenings.  It breaks my heart but I am also proud that he is advocating for himself; not looking for an escape away from his responsibilities, but a better way to manage them alongside his mental health.

As an educator and a parent, I am a huge believer in life balance.  With a rise in child anxiety, it is time to dial back on what we expect children to do.  Yes, we need to build resilience, but we also need to go deep rather than fast or hard.  School work is primarily their 9 am to 3 pm responsibility.   So much valuable learning happens outside of school, and I believe that we have to make time for fun, play and family life as well.  This is clearly backed up by research.

Because Kai has ADHD, he has trouble completing work on his own in class.  As such, an excessive amount of family time both throughout the week and on weekends is dedicated to him working on school assignments.  Our family is lucky.  As part of my job, I am very familiar with adaptations and accommodations that can be made to support diverse learning needs, so can advocate for Kai.  I am willing and able to create tools, strategies and checklists to help Kai learn to self-regulate but also to become a more independent, confident and successful student.  Please, use me.  Meet with me so we can brainstorm and prepare for Kai's learning.  Use what I create for him if it helps any others in your classroom as well.  We know teaching is not an easy job and we want to make it easier for everyone.  We will do anything for our children, so you will regularly see notes from us and we will be a presence in their learning.  Please take this as a good thing.  We love our children and we believe in education.  We want to help.

Teacher, we know some days will be more challenging than others.  On those days especially, remember that Kai is doing the best he can.  Give him more positive feedback than necessary, lots of space and care and kindness, and remember that he is human like the rest of us.  He is on a journey and the more love he gets, the better.

Home

Warm sun on my face, on the top of the world.

My word for this year is home.  It means so many things, but all of them are simple.  I'm going to start with those that can be seen in pictures.

Spend time with  my family

Never a dull moment with these folks.

Our yearly photo with the best looking kids around.

Girls night out!

The Uchida genes clearly run through the generations.

Surround myself with the most amazing people.

We started as neighbours...

My mamas...

Enjoy my work.

Get outside.

Travel and go on adventures.

Play games.

Laugh often.

And always, remember what is important.

Thank You

Dear Nanny,

I feel like I should be writing this on paper instead of a computer, but the words are coming quickly and I express myself faster this way.  I got a text from Kelly yesterday saying that you asked the nurse if you were dying.  When the nurse asked if you would be okay with that, you answered yes.  Through the tornado of emotions I am feeling, every time I go back to that exchange, I feel peace.  You have lived a long, full life.  Full of love and adventure.  You are ready and I get that.  Is it easy for me?  No.  The exploding heart and rivers of tears are evidence, as if I needed any, but most of all, I feel gratitude.  And love . . . so much love.  If my math and memory are correct, you have lived over 96 years, and I have shared more than 43 so far. I have been blessed.

What I know about family and tradition started with you and Papa.  Because of you, family is the cornerstone of life for all of us, the most treasured of values.  Because of you we have the most amazing dad, and grandfather for our own kids, that one could have.

In thinking of how I want to say good-bye when it is time, I keep returning to 'thank you.'  My memory is running an old home movie reel, on a white sheet hung up on a wall crookedly with tacks, complete with the shaky imagery and the clicking sounds as the film goes from one roll to the next. I imagine the canisters piled up with the content titles written in a shaky script with black sharpie.  The canisters have titles such as: Christmas, May long weekend, playing in the attic, New Year's Eve, Easter, the basement, and A Collection of Moments.

The shaky film shows hundreds of family dinners, on the long wooden table covered in a white embroidered tablecloth, the kids' table attached on the end.  Turkey, ham, roast beef, yorkshire pudding, carrots, mashed potatoes and more.  And dessert.  Always so much dessert.

Romoli.  Big games of Romoli with the giant bowl of pennies ready to share out.

The piano, where I learned to play Greensleeves, and played it over and over again each time I visited.  You think I would have progressed, but it is still tucked away in my memory, ready to play each time I see a piano.

The old record player where I discovered a record with Good Night, Irene on it and thought it was the coolest thing, with your name being Irene and all.  I imagined it had a great story behind it.

The old wooden box where you kept all the pencil crayons along with random other pens and markers, ready for me to colour with.  I remember the joy and calm that box brought me. I have it on my own shelf now and it always makes me smile.

The baking.  Oh, the baking.  I have a clear image of you filling up the coffee table with so much baking and still regularly coming around with a plate of goodies telling us that just one more wouldn't hurt.

You and Papa always knew how to make us feel special.  I remember you coming to so many of our sporting events and band concerts - if you could drive there, you would be cheering us on.  Every visit, before we left you took a family photo in front of our car.  This would be a fascinating look into our growth over the years, but again, it simply showed us how much you cared.  One of the longest-standing traditions that my mom and dad carry on to this day is waving goodbye.  Every time we drove away from your house to go home at the end of a visit, you both stood in the yard waving good-bye.  I do not know how long you waved but I know we could see you waving as long as we could see you.  These are just a few of the memories but each one connects back to you in my heart.

It is not yet time to say good-bye and for that, I am grateful.  So I can still thank you for the lifetime of memories, love and joy, that are mine because of what you and Papa created with this family.  My heart is with you wherever you are.

Uber-Frugal Month Challenge

I'm not quite sure if I am ready to participate, but I am going through the steps as an inquiry process.

The thought of simple living evokes this feeling in me.

Goal-setting questions:

Why are you participating in this Challenge? 

I want to be more conscious of all most choices, make them intentional.  So much gets bought and consumed because it is easy, which is important for life balance as well, but it should be done with forethought.  Is there a way of doing things that is better for the planet?  Being conscious of my spending means that I also must be aware of my choices, to slow down and think.

What do you hope to achieve?

I want to be more intentional with all my choices, including spending.

What are your longterm life goals?

Connection: to myself, my family, my friends and the wider world

Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Working four days a week in a job that fills me up

Connecting with my loved ones - spending quality time with them

Spending a lot of time in the forest

Traveling and exploring regularly

Only spending money on things that bring me joy

What about your current lifestyle might prevent those goals from coming to fruition and what can you do about it?

Spending without thinking

Some days I am too busy 'doing' that I don't use my time to enjoy, to be in the moment, to remember and live by what is important

What can I do about it?

Only surround myself by things and people that/who bring me joy - frees up time and money.

What are Men Craving?

An hour ago, a friend of mine sent me a video of John Wineland speaking on the topic, 'What are men craving?'  It connected to something we had been talking about a few weeks earlier and her timing was perfect.  Often when an important idea shows up in your life, it finds a way of continually presenting itself until you are ready to really listen and be present to it.

Desire has been a strong theme in my life.  I have always had big dreams, aspirations and have been on the journey to have them fulfilled.  Life is short and I want to do it all.  I am pretty sure that this desire for more is with me for the long haul.  It has served me well.  The past few years in particular I have been working closely with Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map and it calls to me so clearly.  However, that is a story for another place and another time.  What I am musing about today is not my own desires, but rather being open to listen for and to the desires of others.  Namely, my family.  My husband and older son in particular, as our two-year old is very capable of very clearly asserting himself to get what he wants.

A few months ago I came across this article on my Facebook feed about starting a communication journal with children.  As luck has it our 7 1/2 year old Kai is quite in touch with his emotions and loves to cuddle and hug still.  Although he is beginning to outgrow it now and spend more time with his neighbourhood friends, he has always been a little bit of a Mama's boy and I love it.  We picked out and decorated a journal and use a special pen to write letters back and forth to each other.  When we have written a letter, we leave it by each other's bedside to read.  Some letters are short, some are longer.  Some are filled with important thoughts and ideas while others are simply two or three words.  The important piece for me is that no matter what, if Kai doesn't feel like he can talk to us, he always has a place to share his thoughts and questions.  Over Spring Break, we did some planning together through the journal.  I listened to what he would like to do and tried to give him some say in how our days would play out.  He loved that and it made me feel good, like I was making sure to honour the heart of my little boy.  I want to make sure this is something we keep up over the years, discussing our desires and feelings in the midst of all the other details of life that often seem to take precedence.  Of course we have also had to have discussions about valuing the desires and time demands on the rest of the family and making sure we have balance.  Kai is learning that although he would like to have swimming or baseball or soccer or playdates every day of the week that we are a family and everybody has to have time for their own activities also.  It is a hard lesson to learn, even for me.  Perhaps it is one that we will have to learn together.

I have the potential to have a non-stop social life.  With many different groups of friends and a love of trying new things, there is always something going on that I want to take part in.  Some months I am very good at balancing all the parts of my life and others, not so much.  As Walt Disney has said, "We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious, and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."  This is exactly the rabbit hole I could go down and while it seems fun (and I'm sure it would be exhilarating), I am on the adventure in life with my husband and two wonderful children and the adventures should also be ours together.

So I return full circle to being in a place where I am beginning to remember to ask and to listen.  I need to listen very carefully because my voice is often louder than and more persistent than the voices of my family.  It has been with me for the longest so it often takes time and insistence to quiet. Don't get me wrong, my voice is still going to be heard, but I want to make sure I hear those of my loved ones as well.

42

The night before my 42nd birthday I couldn't sleep.  Not because I was worried about getting a year older but rather because I had spent time earlier in the evening writing a desires list for the next day and couldn't wait for it to begin.  That got me thinking about why I wasn't creating every day in such a fashion.  Why am I not living my life in a way that causes such excitement?

I awoke the next day to a quiet house and two pots of flowers with a handmade happy birthday sign.  Breakfast was delivered to me alongside a chai tea from a friend and colleague.  Students made me a birthday hat to wear and I received hugs all day long.  I painted with my little guy and was completely present in the moment.  My older son began creating with clay and the evening rounded out with snuggles on the couch and Moana.  We ate juicy burgers and delicious fries and it was perfect.  I felt connected.  Life was simple and full of love.

Perhaps my 43rd year will continue on with such love and presence and be filled with simple joys.  I feel so much gratitude for the people in my life and the opportunity for so many beautiful moments.  It is time to be thankful and continue to live each day to the fullest.

What is perfect?

• waking up before 6:30 a.m. feeling fully rested and excited to begin my day
• listening to a 15 minute guided meditation by candlelight without feeling rushed
• writing my morning pages with a cup of peppermint tea
• leaving for work with a healthy lunch packed and a clear, doable list for my morning before work starts
• connecting with my team before the day begins
• going to the staffroom for recess and lunch
• getting into the woods every day
• yoga
• leaving work by 3:30 without so I have plenty of play time with my children
• time spent painting, writing and connecting with friends and family
• going for walks in the crisp fall air
• reading books
• time to connect and enjoy life with my husband