To My Sweet Boy in Times of Trouble

My sweet boy,

Underneath that crazy, fun-loving exterior, you have a kind and sensitive heart.  I love that you embrace both sides of yourself and are not afraid to share either.  These past three months for you have been a struggle.  So much change in a short time for such a young guy that I know it must be overwhelming and confusing at times.  Until recently you were our only little boy and you have been showered with love in so many ways and from so many people that it must be hard to have to share us with your little brother.  We understand, little one, that it must seem as if you have to be a big boy all of a sudden.  You have to help out more, become more independent, learn all about school and make new friends all while trying to figure out your place in the world.  We know.  We are doing everything we can to make it easier for you.  It takes some adjustments on all our parts.  Know that we love you with all our hearts and always will.

This year you have also been trying to understand what dying means.  It started in March when we visited your Great-Papa's grave.  You were so sad and could not understand why someone we love was under the ground.  You were concerned that he did not want to be there.  I did my best to explain it to you, but some days I do not even know what I believe to be true.  A few weeks ago, my Nanny's partner Harry died and she came to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for the week.  We went and visited her and when your teacher asked, you told her, "Nanny is sad because Harry died."  Simple, but not. 

You have been having trouble with so many things lately that I am sure you are just figuring out how to process everything.  You cling to me when I leave you at kindergarten.  You take many self-chosen breaks in the coat room at school.  You have started using so many more comfort items again, including stuffies and your old blankie.  In the day, you are so emotional and at night you need me to lay with you as you fall asleep.  You are scared of everything these days as well.  Perhaps it is your imagination growing or maybe it is an excuse to take me with you wherever go you.  Whatever it is, know I am here to walk through it with you.

As we are sure you are aware, your Opa is very sick and will not be with us much longer.  I do not yet know what to tell you.  You understand dying means that we will not see Opa anymore and we can explain the scientific reasons why people die, but I do not know how to explain how to heal your heart or feel better.  It is sad to have to lose a loved one so young.  What I do know is that when you are surrounded by people who love you so much, as you are, we will do everything we can to bring you peace.

My sweet boy, you are going through a lot right now, but know that whenever you go through times of trouble, we are here for you.  We are here to listen, and to hold you, and to love you with all our hearts.