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Every night I go to bed, I have thoughts swirling in my head. Things to do. Scrapbook pages I want to create. Gifts I want to make. Skills I want to learn. And, of course, daily happenings that I don't want to forget, but invariably will by tomorrow morning, only to pop up in a random thought weeks down the road. So, here I am. I may use this blog daily to empty my head and heart before cuddling up in my duvet, or as it may be, I may write in it once a month. Who knows. It is for me, but perhaps something I write or learn may spark a fire in someone else. Perhaps it may quiet a mind or make you feel like you are not alone out there. It is for me. But perhaps it is for you.

Monday, December 2, 2013

To My Sweet Boy in Times of Trouble
















My sweet boy,

Underneath that crazy, fun-loving exterior, you have a kind and sensitive heart.  I love that you embrace both sides of yourself and are not afraid to share either.  These past three months for you have been a struggle.  So much change in a short time for such a young guy that I know it must be overwhelming and confusing at times.  Until recently you were our only little boy and you have been showered with love in so many ways and from so many people that it must be hard to have to share us with your little brother.  We understand, little one, that it must seem as if you have to be a big boy all of a sudden.  You have to help out more, become more independent, learn all about school and make new friends all while trying to figure out your place in the world.  We know.  We are doing everything we can to make it easier for you.  It takes some adjustments on all our parts.  Know that we love you with all our hearts and always will.

This year you have also been trying to understand what dying means.  It started in March when we visited your Great-Papa's grave.  You were so sad and could not understand why someone we love was under the ground.  You were concerned that he did not want to be there.  I did my best to explain it to you, but some days I do not even know what I believe to be true.  A few weeks ago, my Nanny's partner Harry died and she came to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for the week.  We went and visited her and when your teacher asked, you told her, "Nanny is sad because Harry died."  Simple, but not. 

You have been having trouble with so many things lately that I am sure you are just figuring out how to process everything.  You cling to me when I leave you at kindergarten.  You take many self-chosen breaks in the coat room at school.  You have started using so many more comfort items again, including stuffies and your old blankie.  In the day, you are so emotional and at night you need me to lay with you as you fall asleep.  You are scared of everything these days as well.  Perhaps it is your imagination growing or maybe it is an excuse to take me with you wherever go you.  Whatever it is, know I am here to walk through it with you.

As we are sure you are aware, your Opa is very sick and will not be with us much longer.  I do not yet know what to tell you.  You understand dying means that we will not see Opa anymore and we can explain the scientific reasons why people die, but I do not know how to explain how to heal your heart or feel better.  It is sad to have to lose a loved one so young.  What I do know is that when you are surrounded by people who love you so much, as you are, we will do everything we can to bring you peace.

My sweet boy, you are going through a lot right now, but know that whenever you go through times of trouble, we are here for you.  We are here to listen, and to hold you, and to love you with all our hearts. 

2 comments:

  1. We sure are! Like Momma said, we all love you so much and we will do anything to make the world a little easier for you. At the same time we understand that life is often very difficult, and perhaps even a little more difficult when you are just five. Lucky you to have such an open and loving family who will love you through all of it. Tell Momma to give you a big hug from Gramma and Grampa!

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  2. Adore that sweet boy of yours, of ours. I'm so glad we got to be there when you explained, so perfectly, to Kai where his Great Papa was. I know he Is his Mommy's boy right now, but we would LOVE to have him come over for a night, for the weekend, ANY TIME. Love you too Chris!

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