Proud Mama

The little moments sneak up of me.  The moments that are unexpected.  The ones that make me so proud.  Perhaps I don’t give Kai enough credit, or perhaps I have seen him around water so much that I make assumptions.  Kai has never been a water baby.  At 4 ½ he still doesn’t like to get his face wet in the shower.  So imagine my surprise and awe when he put on his swimsuit at our place in La Mesa and joined Oliver (and their daddies) in the swimming pool.  Once he found that kickboard, he was happy as a clam, splashing around and playing.  And then the next day, going on a water tube ride at Sea World.  Followed up by a roller coaster at Legoland! 

Kai has always been adventurous, but now there is no question that I am more nervous for him than he is...

I am so proud of you, my little guy.  Keep stepping into adventure.

Ben and Kai

Ben and Kai...I don't know what it is with these two boys, but they just have to be friends.  They met when they were one year old at Playhouse daycare centre, spending every weekday together for almost two years.  When Ben left to go to his new daycare, Kai was beside himself and had a really had adjustment.  It is like Kai thinks Ben is his brother, and he definitely calls Ben his best bud.  Since leaving Playhouse almost two years ago now, they only have the opportunity to see each other every few months at most.  Days and months just get busy until Kai cuddles up to me one day with a sad face and says he misses his Ben.  So Tammy and I get on email or the phone and set-up a playdate.  As Ben lives now with his family in Coquitlam, it is a little more challenging to get together, but it is worth it to see them run and give each other a giant hug as if they haven't seen each other in years.  I don't know what it is with these two boys - they laugh, they share without fuss, they run around like tornados and couldn't be happier together.  I haven't yet had to step in to stop fighting or tears as they get along like two peas in a pod.  Who knows what the future will bring, but for now I wish them many more years of such a simple, easy friendship.  As Kai said in his email to Ben, "Kai loves Ben.  Ben is my best buddy."

A Conversation with Kai

After seeing this on Ali Edwards' blog, I had to try it.  It's not as pretty as hers, but it serves the same purpose.

Kai at 4 1/2 years old



My favourite food is:  pineapple

My favourite movie is: Transformers (note: He has never actually seen this movie.  I think it is Cars 2.)

 
My favourite cartoon: Finn McMissile (note: This means Cars 2.  His current favourite cartoon seems to be Pound Puppies.)




The coolest person on Earth is: Ben

My favourite thing to do at daycare is: play outside and inside

The thing I do that is most awesome is: wrestling

If I could change my name it would be: Kai Ninja (note: recent fascination with Ninjago)

My favourite place to go: everywhere

My favourite colour: red (see Ninja note above.  The red ninja's name is Kai.)

When I grow up, I'm going to become a: red ninja

The rule of my parents I like the least is: time out for not listening

My favourite music is: Beastie Boys and the Police

My favourite books are: the Ninja books

Words that describe me: marvelous

When I was little, I used to: be hungry and thirsty

My favourite season: Valentine's

My favourite snack: chocolate

The food I do not like is: onions

My best friend: Ben

If I had one wish, it would be: to get an Ironman suit

My best memory is: tickles

Thoughtfulness

Sometimes a word, an idea comes to me without apparent cause or reason.  Thoughtfulness is that word this week.  We have hosted one and been to two dinner parties in this past week and it is has reminded me how wonderful it is to get together with people for no other reason than to be together.  Yes, these dinners were to 'celebrate' Christmas and the New Year in theory, but mostly I appreciated being with friends and family, as these times often seem too few and far apart.  So why then does the word thoughtfulness come to mind rather than togetherness?  Perhaps because it would be nice to share with those dear to me their importance not only during the season designed for this, but throughout the year.  It seems we are so busy living and doing, or at least I am, that I don't find time to simply think of others and their lives - to catch up on a girlfriend's trip to New York, to send well wishes to a colleague whose father is ill, to check in with my new niece and nephew.  The thoughts enter my  mind, but my tiredness from the day or poor memory due to over-multitasking prevent me from taking action.  So, if you are reading this, know that I do think of you.  Now I just have to take the next steps...

40 days of yoga...one day at a time. Week One

Day 1: Saturday, October 27th.  8 a.m. Hatha with Beverly. Catherine came with me.

An easy entry into what could be a long physical hall.  Mostly stretching, nothing too challenging.  Hips tight afterward, but my good old foam roller and a hot bath helped with that.

Day 2: Sunday, October 28th.  9:30 a.m. Hatha with Dan

A challenging class for me, but feel good.  I remember going to one of Dan's classes a long time ago as he loves 'flow' yoga.  Moving the whole class, one pose to the next.  Challenging because it was hot (as every mat in the room was full) and because it had a lot of arm and shoulder work.  My arms are not very strong, and I had to put them down during a few poses.  I liked the mix during the flow though.  I would like to learn chataranga the proper way, as Dan said your hips never touch and that is not the way I have done it in other classes.  My hamstrings are very tight where they connect to the knee...hoping that they loosen up and that I don't pull them.  Body tired, but feeling good.  My breathing can go deeper and feels better too.

Day 3: Monday, October 29
8:30 p.m. Yin with Joan; Thea came with me

It was really nice to have a later class so that I could take my time to do things such as visit Carrie, Derran and Austen after work first.  The class itself felt WAY too easy for me.  I could see how I might really want this class after a few weeks of the challenge, but the slow, long stretches were a bit boring for me.  I'm sure they helped my body, but I was just hoping for a bit more.  It was good to try anyway.  It was also my first class in a long time  not at Sea studio, so I forgot about the hard floors as Sea has carpet.  I think I like the carpet better for my knees and other bony bits.  It was beautiful when the rain hit the roof of the studio, though...so calming!

Day 4: Tuesday, October 30th
12-1:15pm at Kits Beach Studio with Carolyn

Again, not a big fan of the studio, with it's large windows right along the sidewalk...felt a little self-conscious.  The level of the yoga and the mix of both stretch and strengthen was great.  I really liked this instructor.  My upper body feels  much looser and lighter, and my groin feels much looser as well.  I was worried about pulling my hamstrings, but today's class seemed to work out some of the tightness that I thought might turn into pulled muscles.  VERY happy about that.  My shoulders are feeling like they are back more where they should be too.  Good class.

Day 5: Wednesday, October 31st

Didn't end up going.  Between making sure Kai got out trick or treating and a bad migraine, I listened to my body telling me to sleep in a dark room.  Glad I listened.

Day 6: Thursday, November 1st
5:45pm Hatha with Bernie

So many lessons were learned this day...Usually I take Kai to his 5pm hip hop class in Burnaby, so an early class wouldn't be available to me, and a late one wasn't an option tonight either as Marc was out.  Luckily Kelly offered to meet us at Kai's hip hop and bring him home so I could do this class.  It all sounded ideal, except I hadn't considered traffic.  I spent the whole hour drive (who knew it would take SO long), talking myself down.  "Yoga is supposed to be peaceful, and you're on your way to yoga, so just take a deep breath."  "I know the car hasn't moved hardly at all in three light changes, but everything happens for a purpose.  It will all work out."

Needless to say, I arrived at class 10 minutes late, but still quietly went in and joined the class.  I am SO glad I went.  Bernie was relaxed, funny, and kept making jokes about all the movies that the poses reminded him of - Karate Kid, Spiderman... My body felt great, the mood in the room was playful, and the class was over before I  knew it.

So my learnings this class?  It is better to arrive late than not at all.  And on the yoga front, if I put my hands closer to my feet during downward dog, it focuses on stretching the lower legs.  Hands farther away works on arm strengthening.  Thus, little changes can make a big difference.

Day 7: Friday, November 2nd
7 pm Yin with Whit.  Damiani came with me

I'm not going to lie, I was not looking forward to this class.  I was looking forward to spending time with D, but after the slow-moving, uninspiring Yin class on Monday, I wasn't sure what I was going to get out of Yin.  I was pleasantly surprised by Whit and the spiritual connection he brought to the practice.  He clearly explained the core beliefs and guidelines of the practice, making connections with his own story, writings of others, and opened up ways for us to bring our own heart into the evening and beyond.  He talked us through each pose, read meaningful passages to bring us back to listening to our bodies, and took us to our limits without pushing through them.  He shared with us about the hips being the emotional junk drawer of the body, where we hold unexpressed and closed off emotions, and the importance of opening up both our bodies and our hearts.  I left the class feeling very informed, well opened and joyful.  A great night to end week one on!

From Two to Three

My two little sisters are about to become Mom, and is has me thinking about the changes motherhood brought to my life.  I remember being in the delivery room and my midwife was passing to me my new little bundle.  My first thought was 'Oh my goodness, we have a baby.'  Then three days later when we brought Kai home, I thought 'What do we do now?'  Although I have always wanted children, I had never really thought about how much  my life would change.

Yes, there were so many things to learn about being a mother to my new son, but I have learned so much about myself as well.  I have learned about balance, about letting go, about my life priorities, about patience, about slowing down to simply enjoy the moments.  Am I an expert at any of these things? No, but I am present to them in a whole new way.  I had no choice but to be present to them. Although this accelerated learning was at times exasperating and exhausting, and so many tears were shed that I could have provided the world's supply of water had there been no salt in them, alongside these moments I have grown into a stronger, more centred woman.

So, when asked for advice for a new mom-to-be, I started thinking about the important things...

Do what you need to do - We want to be good parents, so we try to do our best by our children, but the best is open to interpretation.  So many people, some given 'expert' status, have strong opinions about the right way to do things.  However, in the end, only we know what is best for us, our children, and our families.  This was a hard lesson for me to learn, and at times, I'm still learning it.  Our friends and families are always there to give us ideas and opinions, but we are the ones home all day and up all night with our wee ones, and it takes a tremendous amount of belief in ourselves to simply say 'This is what works for us right now', even if we are not sure.  For we are never really sure.  Life is a series of trials and errors, adventures and successes, and we only ever know if they are the right choice after we have thought about them and given them a try.  So do what you need to do until something works better.  And no matter what you do, you are doing the best you can.

Sleep - get in anywhere, anytime and as much as possible.  Your body, mind and emotions have never been through so much change in such a short period.  You need to take care of yourself in order that you are able to take care of your little one.  It was not easy for me to sleep much during the day when my child slept as I felt there was too much to do, but looking back I wish I had rested more.  Food you can always order in or make pasta (or ask close family and friends to bring you meals, it gives them a way to help out that they are looking for), and the house will make it through another day without a vacuum.  You have the rest of your life to 'do'.  For these precious times, just 'be.'

Take time for yourself - One of the biggest transitions for me as a mother, beyond the total reliance of another human being on me (which is the topic for a whole other write), was the number of roles that seemed to come with maternity leave.  By giving birth to a child and staying home, suddenly you are thrust into cook, housecleaner, personal shopper, and errand runner.  You make most of the daily decisions about raising your child, as you are home alone with him or her the majority of the time.  This is a lot of responsibility.  Not that you have to do it alone.  If you have a great partner, all these roles will be discussed and everyone will play their part.  Perhaps there is a hormonal shift that arrives with Motherhood that makes you want to return to everything homemade and natural.  All of a sudden, I wanted to make my own  organic, balanced meals, learn to can, grow my own food, sew, knit, bake and become an all-round superstar.  Who has time or energy for this in between feedings, diaper changes, and the craving for more sleep? So here's my advice - start with 15 minutes a day - have a tea, take a bath, lay quietly in your bedroom while your big sister holds your baby.  These small moments help you gain perspective.  Help you revive yourself. 

There are so many more lessons I learned, but everyone learns their own in their own time.  So trust yourself, take care of yourself and enjoy the moments.  And in the tough moments, remember, this too will pass.  You have a big family who is here to help you in every way we can.  We love you!

40 Day Yoga Challenge

40 days.  A yoga class on each one of them.  Why? Partially because I always like a challenge, but mostly because it is good for me.  As a good friend said when I was sharing that I was constantly trying to find balance in my life, 'If balance was easy, we would all have it.'  My mind, like many, is constantly taking me in different directions.  My goal is to focus on one thing at a time - at work, and at school.  I know this is not easy, especially when I love doing so many things.  I am a Libra, but rather than the complete balance the symbol seems to signify, I seem to do all or  nothing, which I have told myself is one form of balance.  I am excessively busy at some times, then all I want to do it curl up in my blanket and sleep, read or watch a movie. 

On most days, in most moments, it is challenging to remember to do all the tasks I am continually asking myself to do.  Yes, some of them are necessary, but some of them I just want to do because they make me a good person and I want to do nice things for others.  For example, yesterday was the last day of work for one of my son's daycare teachers.  All week the thought kept popping up in my mind to get him a nice gift as a token of my appreciation for helping Kai to become a happier, more resilient child.   As I drove into the parking lot of daycare yesterday, it dawned on me that not only was it his teacher's last day, he was probably gone, but it didn't matter because I forgot to get a gift.  Luckily, I know the centre to where he moved, and we will visit one day next week, but the point is that my mind and my life are too busy and it is time to quiet them down.  I am hoping daily yoga practice will not only strengthen my body, but more importantly, quiet my mind and focus my thoughts.

Amidst the regular rush of teaching, parenting, maintaining a house, and trying to find some time for myself, my husband, my family and friends, I have just begun another journey.  For the second time in 5 years, my husband and I are undergoing fertility treatment in order to have a child.  For a reason unknown to us and our doctors, we have been unable to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy.  So in the next few months, it is critical that I am stress-free, or as close as I can be to this.  Again, I return to the importance of quieting my mind.  While practicing yoga, I have no choice but to only focus on the position at hand.  It is fantastic.  So, here we go...40 days of having a quiet mind for the better part of 75 minutes a day and building upon it.  It will require commitment and support from friends and my husband, and I can't wait to see where this journey takes me.