Tonight I came across a project I did for a literacy class in my education program. I wrote a book of poetry reflecting on my where I was in my life and where I came from. Some are good and others not so much. However, what struck me was the honesty. I can return to the time of the writing like it was yesterday. I had recently completed my undergraduate studies, gone on a month trip through Europe, returned to end things with my long-time boyfriend and recently begun my education program to become a teacher. It was a time of turmoil, of uncertainty and as the cliche goes, I was finding myself. What became clear in reading my work was how much my heart ached and how I longed to not only know who I was but to also share that self with others. Herein lies the power of the written word.
For years following that book, I cannot recall writing very often beyond in my journal. I was busy establishing my career, looking for 'the one', and enjoying life. It was not until the birth of my first son that I returned to writing. Again, I was writing from my heart, as a way to express the myriad of powerful emotions that come with bearing a child. Emotions I was unprepared for and that arrived on my doorstep like a tidal wave. The pain of being unable to soothe my crying child. The joy his smiles brought. The pride when he took his first step. The heartache when another child refused to play with him on the playground.
These emotions not only stemmed from my connection to my child, however, but also from the need to rediscover myself within this new world of parenthood, and now into the world of parenting two children. As always, here I am again, returning to the written word. Remembering how simple strikes on the keyboard can soothe my anxieties, share my excitement and help me find myself when it is so easy to get lost in dishes, diapers and to do lists. I am thankful for blank pages and their invitation to pour out thoughts as they come, for they serve as both a meditation and a place to be known to myself and my others. A place for clarity and honesty.
Every night I go to bed, I have thoughts swirling in my head. Things to do. Scrapbook pages I want to create. Gifts I want to make. Skills I want to learn. And, of course, daily happenings that I don't want to forget, but invariably will by tomorrow morning, only to pop up in a random thought weeks down the road. So, here I am. I may use this blog daily to empty my head and heart before cuddling up in my duvet, or as it may be, I may write in it once a month. Who knows. It is for me, but perhaps something I write or learn may spark a fire in someone else. Perhaps it may quiet a mind or make you feel like you are not alone out there. It is for me. But perhaps it is for you.